Well I can't blame myself on something that I didn't do, but I do. It's a bad habbit and I know that even when I'm even part of the situation I can't help, but blame my involvement whether it has a negative or a positive impact. Some people say that I'm too hard on myself, but I feel that if I don't then I'll forget about what happened and it'll happen again. Whenever I'm talking to Bryon I feel the awkwardness even though we're an item. When I go home and in the privacy of my own thoughts I think to myself that I'll try even harder not to make the conversation awkward, but then the next time I talk to him it's awkward! I can't help it that we're two different people who like each other and there's never anything that we can talk about that the other is interested about. Whenever I talk about my friends it's obvious that he's already bored with the conversation. When he talks about his friends, video games or something else that I don't remember, because I have already zoned out, I'm bored with the conversation.
I do like him very much, I'm not just saying like because I'm afraid to say that I love him and I do, but I'm not in love with him. I love everyone on this earth, unless someone gives my a reason to not love them and then I just don't love that individual. I want it to work with Bryon, but we don't talk very much or at all during school. Before school I don't want to talk to him in front of his friends, because I don't like a few of his friends that I can't stand. Those friends of his that I don't like, either hate me for no reason of they just appear werid to me and they are nerds. Well Derek is a jerk when it comes to saythings in a nice manner. When I pointed Bryon out to him he started telling me about his friends, even though he doesn't know then very well.
Apparently the only girl sitting with them is a wanna be, the guys are nerds and ugly and fat, and one person stood out to Derek and he is a strange, strange guy that I don't ever want to meet. I understand that's it's only fair that he has friends that won't get along with me, since most of my friends want him dead. I'll never understand why my friends want Bryon dead, mecause if they were real friends they would be supportive. I understand that they think that Bryon is just a waste of my time and he isn't so appealing to them, but he is to me and they think he's ugly, but I don't agree. They keep telling me that I can do better and that I should.
I don't have low selfseem, and I don't think that I should go out with uglier guys just to make me feel better about myself. I like Bryon for who he is and that's all that matters.
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