Being Weird

Well today was pretty something. By something I mean weird and boring. I came to school late this morning and I went to go drop off my newton scooter in Ms. Hogan's room with Vanessa.T, Bree, Derek, Anthony and it was fun to hang out with them, but I wanted to hang out with Bryon. I would, I could, I should have, but I don't feel comfortable talking to him in front of some of his friends, because ever since he told me that some of his friends don't like me. I've been trying to figure out who they are and why they don't like me. I haven't done anything bad to them or Bryon, so what could possibly be the reason?
I don't think that I should spend a great deal of time on this, because it'll drive me nuts and it's not worth it, because it's not like it's a major issue that is going to tear apart Bryon and me. I guess that it'll eventually blow over. On another topic when I was upset that Bryon hadn't talked to me during lunch, and when people started giving me their own interpretation on what they think why Bryon didn't talk to me, there was too much repetition in their answers. Most of them said that oh he's cheating on you, the others said that Bryon doesn't have feelings for me anymore. That made me upset even though I didn't know if it was true or not, because I can't speak for Bryon.
I find it strange that those people can tell me that with a straight face let alone at all! I don't feel that most people should say that kind of thing unless they have solid proof or a strong suspicion. I do think that there is a chance that Bryon may not have feelings for me as much anymore, because it really doesn't feel like we're a couple. I only say that, because if you just looked at us while we were talking it would seem awkward and painful to watch. We don't really smile that much whenever we're talking to each other or walking from school. I don't think that it's something that can be fixed over night, but it'll take a lot of time and effort to make this work, but he is a really great guy and I won't dump him unless he did something completely out of line which I find nearly impossible.
Now I really do miss Joshua, because I could ask him for advice on what is going on with Bryon and maybe he could help with the situation. Also he could help me with actually making the conversation not awkward and fun to be in. He is the right person to help me with that. We are still not talking though, because I don't think that it'll be good idea if I hang out with Joshua and I'm going out with Bryon. First of all, because they both kinda have a slight problem against each other and second I kinda consider Joshua more of my type, but on the other hand no, because I swear his lips have been everywhere! I do have a problem with that, because he has kissed many girls and I do have a problem with that, because i don't want my lips where over hundreds of girl's have already been pressed against. If I did that then I might as well think about licking the floor of an indoor mall.
I don't know if I should be that criticle, because I'm not so perfect either. I do have my moments out in the cold. I just don't know if I'm making the right choice anymore and what if I end up regreting my decisions? I know that I'll end up doing that in the furture anyway no matter what I'll always end up regretting something, but before I make choices that can and will change my life I want to step back and evaluate the situation before I make that choice. I know that I'll never be happy with every single thing, but I can be happy with somethings. That brings me to another subject. I'm really happy with somethings that include ASB leadership, but I do get frusterated sometimes, but it's worth it to put it all that work to make people happy and to know that I did a good job. I told Bryon that I won't take ASB leadeship at A.B. Miller, but tomorrow I'm going to pick up a packet and fill it out before the dead line so that I can be in ASB leadership during my first year at A.B. Miller.
I wish that I could take guitar, but on the other hand I want to stay true to myself and not join leadership again, but on the other hand I am staying true to myself, by joining leadership. I love to help people and put smiles on people's faces, because that is how I'd like to live, not causing despair only spreding happiness and peace.