Renaissance Rally

I don't mean actually dressing up in medival times clothing I mean a pep rally. WEll since I didn't plan this rally I didn't get to know what I was supposed to be doing until today, and today was the rally! I was mad, because I didn't want to work seating and I didn't have to do anything else, but sit down the entire to rallies until I had to point out the exit to the audience. The only high light was seeing Bryon and when he smiled back at me. I don't believe that my friends that planned the rally did a really good job. The only good thing that poped out to the audience was the dance-off between shuffling and jerking. That wasn't even their own idea Alyssa came up with that idea and the girls who planned it didn't even want to do that in the first place and they better not take the credit for Alyssa's idea or I swear I'll tell Mrs. Shearer everything that she didn't know about the girls who planned the rally and it's pretty bad things so they better keep their mouths shut.
They don't even deseve to be prasied for all the hard work they didn't do. The rest of us leadership did everything as possible to make their stupid ideas to not be so stupid. They didn't even let us see the list of jobs until last minute. I really don't care for people like that. I don't believe that they should even be in leadership, because they aren't very good people, let alone exceptional people. They can't keep their mouths shut and they don't know how to say sorry. I find it amazing how people like them ever came to be. I am never going to apologize for those words that are an understatemment of their behavoiors and characters, they are actually worse than that, but I am not that kind of person to say let alone type those kinds of things.
I really hate it when they talk about someone behind their back then the next minute when they talk to the person they act all fake. I'll never appreciate those kinds of people, but I'll just have to let those people destroy themselves for they choose to be that way. I wish that they could turn into good people so that the people around them don't have to deal with their personalilties. Onto another subject I find it weird that Bryon doesn't talk to me durng lunch anymore. He doesn't talk to me before school, only after, don't really mind that though. Bryon and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, but it doesn't feel that way it just feels like we're just friends. When we exchange emails I like him, because he is sweet and kind of funny, but when we actually are together in person it's awkward.
I know that a relationship doesn't have to be this way and I wish that it wasn't, because even though it's completely awkward talking to Bryon in person, but I still have feelings for him. Even though there may be a possiblilty that I may be talking to someone else over email I still like him fr some reason I'll always keep close to my heart. He is a sweet, kind and smart person and I love him so I'll just leave it on that.

Watching Behind the curtains

I don't really care if I get credit for the things that I do, but I don't like it when people push me to do things for their own benefit. I'm on the school's PLEASE Team and I try really hard to make the school better for everyone. I don't want to make selfish choices that will only benefit one person instead of so many more people. I always look for a solution that benefits as many people as possible. I won't agree to make selfish moves for selfish people. If you told me do something that benefited a big percent tagage of people then I would do it, but if it involved me ending my own life then no, because I can't make a difference if I'm dead.
Well, so far things with some of my stupid friends are still doing things that isn't the best idea around and it scares me, because I don't want to lose them. They are a big part of my life and I don't want to lose such amazing friends. When Bryon walked me home today I was about to cry, because he asked if one of my friends were back into doing something she shouldn't and truely I don't know the answer. I wish that I did, because I could help her and keep her on the right track.

Being Weird

Well today was pretty something. By something I mean weird and boring. I came to school late this morning and I went to go drop off my newton scooter in Ms. Hogan's room with Vanessa.T, Bree, Derek, Anthony and it was fun to hang out with them, but I wanted to hang out with Bryon. I would, I could, I should have, but I don't feel comfortable talking to him in front of some of his friends, because ever since he told me that some of his friends don't like me. I've been trying to figure out who they are and why they don't like me. I haven't done anything bad to them or Bryon, so what could possibly be the reason?
I don't think that I should spend a great deal of time on this, because it'll drive me nuts and it's not worth it, because it's not like it's a major issue that is going to tear apart Bryon and me. I guess that it'll eventually blow over. On another topic when I was upset that Bryon hadn't talked to me during lunch, and when people started giving me their own interpretation on what they think why Bryon didn't talk to me, there was too much repetition in their answers. Most of them said that oh he's cheating on you, the others said that Bryon doesn't have feelings for me anymore. That made me upset even though I didn't know if it was true or not, because I can't speak for Bryon.
I find it strange that those people can tell me that with a straight face let alone at all! I don't feel that most people should say that kind of thing unless they have solid proof or a strong suspicion. I do think that there is a chance that Bryon may not have feelings for me as much anymore, because it really doesn't feel like we're a couple. I only say that, because if you just looked at us while we were talking it would seem awkward and painful to watch. We don't really smile that much whenever we're talking to each other or walking from school. I don't think that it's something that can be fixed over night, but it'll take a lot of time and effort to make this work, but he is a really great guy and I won't dump him unless he did something completely out of line which I find nearly impossible.
Now I really do miss Joshua, because I could ask him for advice on what is going on with Bryon and maybe he could help with the situation. Also he could help me with actually making the conversation not awkward and fun to be in. He is the right person to help me with that. We are still not talking though, because I don't think that it'll be good idea if I hang out with Joshua and I'm going out with Bryon. First of all, because they both kinda have a slight problem against each other and second I kinda consider Joshua more of my type, but on the other hand no, because I swear his lips have been everywhere! I do have a problem with that, because he has kissed many girls and I do have a problem with that, because i don't want my lips where over hundreds of girl's have already been pressed against. If I did that then I might as well think about licking the floor of an indoor mall.
I don't know if I should be that criticle, because I'm not so perfect either. I do have my moments out in the cold. I just don't know if I'm making the right choice anymore and what if I end up regreting my decisions? I know that I'll end up doing that in the furture anyway no matter what I'll always end up regretting something, but before I make choices that can and will change my life I want to step back and evaluate the situation before I make that choice. I know that I'll never be happy with every single thing, but I can be happy with somethings. That brings me to another subject. I'm really happy with somethings that include ASB leadership, but I do get frusterated sometimes, but it's worth it to put it all that work to make people happy and to know that I did a good job. I told Bryon that I won't take ASB leadeship at A.B. Miller, but tomorrow I'm going to pick up a packet and fill it out before the dead line so that I can be in ASB leadership during my first year at A.B. Miller.
I wish that I could take guitar, but on the other hand I want to stay true to myself and not join leadership again, but on the other hand I am staying true to myself, by joining leadership. I love to help people and put smiles on people's faces, because that is how I'd like to live, not causing despair only spreding happiness and peace.

Rocket Ship to the Moon

Today I have been planning how to make my science project that is due in less than three days! Surprisingly I'm Miss Goody Goody, but I do bad things that don't cross the line of my morals. I'll do things that I wouldn't be ashamed to tell my parents, because at the end of the day all you have is your family and those people who consider you consider family. I don't condone procrastinating, but I shouldn't be one to talk. I don't think that my mentos rocket will actually go all the way to the moon, but my head is all the way there with high hopes that everything will turn out great now matter what happens. I don't expect to have the best experiment in the class, mostly, because everyone now knows that I made a rocket.
Guess what there doing now for their project? Give up, yes they are doing rockets as well, because most of them can't come up with originl ideas of their own. I think that I should get used to it by now, because everyone copies off of me during tests, on homework and recently science projects. They are smart kids, because if they weren't they wouldn't be in the same class as me. I just hate it when they think that they can take advantage of me, because they can't, because well I'm smarter than them. Apparently, I am. I just hope that one day I'll find one person who feels the same way that I do, because all of my friends don't understand the way that I feel. I don't hate the people that want to copy off of me, because they are my friends even before they asked for help on the homework. Then I just had gotton tried off repeating myself, so I just handed them my homework.
Well back onto the mentos rocket. Hopefully it works. I'm going to make a launcher to kick the bottle of diet coke just far enough so that the mentos and the soda's reaction is big enough so that the bottle travels at least 1.5 meters! It'll be so kewl!
On another subject I feel bad now. I don't think that it's mean that I'm ignoring Joshua (my neighbor) Well, because he is a nice guy and he is sweet. If it wasn't for him I don't know if I would where I would have been by now. He was a big part of how I had gotton my self-confidence and joy. He made me realize that I shouldn't be mean all the time and have trust in other people. I should talk to him and I will if he talks to me, because I don't feel that he is a person that I can ramdomly come up to and talk to. We aren't really close at all and that is weird, because we are neighbors. I'm not saying that all neighbors do get along, because I don't like some of most of my neighbors mostly because they say bad things about my family to other people. I don't feel that is appropiate or nice at all.
I feel that if Bryon is a good boyfriend he wouldn't mind me and Joshua being friends. I don't think that would be a problem with Bryon, because he is a really cool person and understanding. Also in latest news I'm not going to my school's last dance of the year, well because I don't want to go with my friends, because most of them always go in and out of the building and it's a dance not a walk around. Bryon says he sucks at dancing, so that also kills it. Also my guy friend Rick wanted to go with me to the last dance that had passed last trimester, but he didn't go with me, because someone had stolen his elegiblilty card and I went with Bryon instead. Rick said he wants to go with me to the last dance so that I won't be disapointed. That is how Bryon and I had gotton to know each other better, because we didn't dance, we just stood outside talking through the dance.
Though I was looking forward to slow dancing with Bryon I guess going some where else on a date won't suck, because we're with each other and that's what matters. Alyssa said that she would kill me if I didn't go, but if I showed up with Bryon as my date then she would kill the both of us. Either way I lose, because I won't go without Bryon. If some other guys ask me I'll say no. I don't care if their really good dancers or not, because they're not Bryon. It'll suck for them, but I don't care. I don't know if the school is going to have the dance or not, because the school's behavior level isn't the best right now and there is also the possiblility if we don't sell enough tickets then it's cancelled too. Well I hope that it isn't going to be cancelled, because a lot of people are looking forward to that dance and they should be happy too.
It was pretty fun, but Bryon doesn't

My Boyfriend Part 2

I don't mean to brag or anything to those people that want or don't have a boyfriend, but I must say that my philosophy is being challenged by Bryon. He is iresistable, funny, sweet, kind and smart. I told him that I love him over email when he sent me a song that explains some of him. It is Nothing On You by Bob something (the artist who sings the song isn't really named Bob something for sure it's bob, but I don't know the rest. He is so wow and I mean no sarcasm. Wow that's a first! Well today I'm doing a pretty good job ignoring Joshua, both of them. When Joshua Sparks started to harash me during third period and I blew it off. When he called me names I blew it off. When he began poking my stomach and proceeded to call me fat I laughed and walked away victoriously.
I felt good, because after I stopped laughing he finally gave up and I was left in peace! Whoa-who! I win! Also when the other Joshua pinched me during passing period I jerked my arm away and gave him a cold look. He walked away then turned his head back then I looked at him. I feared if I said hello or smiled then he would talk to me and I don't think that I want to ever talk with him anymore. Now I feel happy that I have an incredible boyfriend, loyal friends and much more.
I have never believed that I was ever or will be superstitions, but I believe that Joshua is a bad luck charm that causes me pain and grief. Whenever I have been around him or talked about him something bad has happened. I don't mean that he is a bad person or anything negative, but I just don't want him around me, it's for the best and I'm sure about this. I have always turned to logic and science on almost everything and anything, but Joshua is the only exception. I love things that can be explained and broken down, but Joshua doesn't fit into the catagory. I would continue to try to figure him out, but I'm happy now and it's not worth it.
Also, if there is anymore drama and I take it out on Bryon I'll be very sad, becasue we'll have to end the relationship. I promised him that I won't let idiots like Joshua and Mayra get to me and ruin the relationship. I do love Bryon, but I also love Joshua. I don't feel bad about it, because if Bryon can't handle that then I guess we have an issue, but he's not the jealous the type.

My Boyfriend

Sometimes he can get on my nerves with some stupid thing, but it doesn't really matter, because at the end of the day I know that I still like him. (yes like like.) Again I'm not afraid of saying I love him, but I know that I'm too young to be saying that. He is a great guy and we do have in common in many things. I know that people think that Bryon and I will not last a day, but it's been a long while since a week. He is funny, sweet, kind, adorable and smart. I know that it sounds like I'm head over heels in love, but I don't believe that ,because that I'm too young to be saying that. I wish that it wasn't too obvious that I do like him, because I smile like an idiot when he's talking to be, but when his friends get into conversation I want to leave so bad, because whenever they are together they act like weenies, no offense. They start hitting each other and pushing. I don't really like that kinda behavior.
I know that it's not right to change a person for your own benefit and I won't ever force Bryon to change something about himself just because I say so. I believe that everyone has they own personality and should express that no matter what anyone says, because everyone deserves a chance. Besides I also believe that everyone should treat everyone else they meet how they want to be treated. Also Bryon would never make me change something about me and he isn't a jerk or stupid. I f he told me to change something about me then I would break up with him so fast he would fall. Bryon is a great guy and an even better boyfriend, he makes me happy and he's cute too! :)

Going Good

I can't speak for the other people in my life whenever they think of me, but I'd say I'm pretty nice. Except for Mayra, because she is meaner than I could ever be. Well i know in my heart that I'm happy with Bryon, my friends and well everything. Whenever I see a star I smile, because I think of Bryon. I've learned that I wasn't upset about having Bryon as my boyfriend, I was mad about having my friends saying very mean things about him. That was very selfish, because even though my friends give me and him crap about our relationship he still wants to be in it. I'll never understand the reasoning behind that, because of the other guys in my life would just leave and forget that anything had ever happened. Well now I'm certain that Bryon is different then other guys.
Well now it's been easier to forget about Joshua, because we really haven't talked at all, so yeah! He can be that way for all he wants and I wish him the best, but I know that things are better this way for the both of us. I know that it sounds mean but it's not, because it's true that we're better off with out each other. My friends that have been giving me grief about Bryon have been recently doing something that wasn't the best choice and I don't think that they're stupid or I didn't make fun of them. I wanted to help them, because I want them in my life for as long as possible. I would be bursting into tears if one of my friends died.
Byron said that I shouldn't worry and that everything will alright I wanted to ask him how did he know that, but I didn't want to be a smart ass. I just replied at least I have you with a cute yellow smiley face. Then he replied and I have you and with a cute blue smiley face. I blushed and said aww., but I didn't say it to him. I do like him more now that he does cheer me up whenever I'm sad, but there was always one subject I always felt uncomfortable talking to Bryon, about: Joshua. Well goodnite!:)

Trying to not be hasty part 2

Well ever since I've been thinking about dumping Bryon I felt a sudden emotion of sadness, as I did. Bryon never did anything to hurt me and he is sweet, kind, smart and kind of funny. Even though I don't like that he likes to chew gum, it's still not a good reason to dump him. I mean that he makes me feel happy and smile a lot. Why would I dump him? So that I can be miserable, or end up as one of those cat ladies that buys so many cats when she's thirty to fill up her empty life. I don't think that I want to be her and I don't want to be miserable. I guess that these kind of feelings surface up when people are mad or it's just me. I don't want to be hasty about this decision, because truly I do love him, but for the record I'm not in love with him. I'm not one of those girls that says she loves a guy just because he's her new boyfriend.
I guess that I'm still mad that even though Joshua said he would be my friend, but now he doesn't. I guess that it is better to ignore those kinds of people who say theu're going to be something then they don't come though. I always promised myself I'll always stay truthful to myself and never lie to myself, because there is no benefit for it. I know deep in my heart that I'll only talk to Joshua to only be polite. He is dating my friend Isabel and I'm happy for her because she is one of the nicest people that I know and she is a very good person. I'm not happy, because what if Joshua breaks her heart? I'm not saying that Joshua is that kind of guy though, because I haven't known the guy for so long that I know everything about him.
I can say that for right now that I'm happy with Bryon, because he is a great guy and for sure next week this whole thing with Joshua will blow over and be not so annoying to me. I understand that not even the people you want so badly in your life can stay long enough to even say goodbye or even get to know, before they turn on you. It's just a saying not actually comparing it to the situation with Joshua or Bryon. I wish that I never met Joshua, because then life would be better for me and him, but since we did meet and are neighbors it is an endless pain that aches my neck. Not only, because I was a complete bitch and a giant nerd, he actually knows my bad side and still wanted to be my friend. Well I've made up my mind and have decided to stick to my plan and stay Bryon's girlfriend.

Trying my best not to be hasty

Well I can't blame myself on something that I didn't do, but I do. It's a bad habbit and I know that even when I'm even part of the situation I can't help, but blame my involvement whether it has a negative or a positive impact. Some people say that I'm too hard on myself, but I feel that if I don't then I'll forget about what happened and it'll happen again. Whenever I'm talking to Bryon I feel the awkwardness even though we're an item. When I go home and in the privacy of my own thoughts I think to myself that I'll try even harder not to make the conversation awkward, but then the next time I talk to him it's awkward! I can't help it that we're two different people who like each other and there's never anything that we can talk about that the other is interested about. Whenever I talk about my friends it's obvious that he's already bored with the conversation. When he talks about his friends, video games or something else that I don't remember, because I have already zoned out, I'm bored with the conversation.
I do like him very much, I'm not just saying like because I'm afraid to say that I love him and I do, but I'm not in love with him. I love everyone on this earth, unless someone gives my a reason to not love them and then I just don't love that individual. I want it to work with Bryon, but we don't talk very much or at all during school. Before school I don't want to talk to him in front of his friends, because I don't like a few of his friends that I can't stand. Those friends of his that I don't like, either hate me for no reason of they just appear werid to me and they are nerds. Well Derek is a jerk when it comes to saythings in a nice manner. When I pointed Bryon out to him he started telling me about his friends, even though he doesn't know then very well.
Apparently the only girl sitting with them is a wanna be, the guys are nerds and ugly and fat, and one person stood out to Derek and he is a strange, strange guy that I don't ever want to meet. I understand that's it's only fair that he has friends that won't get along with me, since most of my friends want him dead. I'll never understand why my friends want Bryon dead, mecause if they were real friends they would be supportive. I understand that they think that Bryon is just a waste of my time and he isn't so appealing to them, but he is to me and they think he's ugly, but I don't agree. They keep telling me that I can do better and that I should.
I don't have low selfseem, and I don't think that I should go out with uglier guys just to make me feel better about myself. I like Bryon for who he is and that's all that matters.

my werid and awkward day.

My day started off very well, but then after school during drama club my boyfriend didn't show up and it was the first drama club meeting that we were going to be officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I know that I sound all desparate for complaning about that, but he is one of those guys that drives me nuts. I have no idea why I over reacted, but it could have been worse. We ended up practing our improv (improv means acting without a script.) I played a struggling college student and my best friend's little sister Vanessa played my room mate who works at McDonald's (not dissing' McDonald's.) It was pretty funny. Then when the teacher gave us a new scene we all particapted. (Mayra, Vanessa and me!) It had gotton boring. We played new kids in the third grade, not so interesting, but when we were right in the middle of it my boyfriend walked in and I felt mad. The teacher wanted to keep the scene interesting so she made Bryon (my boyfriend) the bully and he had to push down Vanessa and I pushed him and yelled at him, we were still in the scene. Then we all played people in a plane and the plane was going to crash, so dramatic, it reminded me of the show lost.lol. I even pointed it out.
Then, when we placed four chairs in two rows of two we sat down. Vanessa sat down with Bryon in the front row and I sat with Mayra in the back row. Then when the teacher told Bryon and Vanessa to act like a couple; Mayra and I couldn't stop laughing when Vanessa took a hold of Bryon's hand.lol. He looked like he was in pain. Then Mayra and I played the two best friends. Then Bryon asked if he could switch seats with Mayra and he turned back, I looked away. Then the teacher said no. Then when Vanessa placed her head on Bryon's shoulder Mayra and I couldn't hold it in any longer. After that the invisible plane crashed, oh no! lol. We all started panicing. It was funny, because I started texting my friend Briana.K.
Then the scene died a slow and painful death. We tried to do a scene in a movie theater, but we killed that one too.lol. I really didn't want to do that scence, because Vanessa still had to play Bryon's girlfriend. Then they had to play the people who ruined the movie for Mayra and I. I was supposed to be the girl who had to say something about it and Bryon left the scene was even over. He waited outside for like five minutes then he came back in and sat down. He began touching my backpack and talking to me. I was a superjerk I don't even know why I did something so mean and stupid. I kept brushing him off and avoiding eye contact. Man I wish I could change that! Since I can't I feel like the biggest jerk in the universe. I believe in karma, so tomorrow something bad will happen and I just hope I don't die. After the whole awkward no contact conversation we played people stuck in an elevator. I kept texting for most of the scene.
That scene died with a burning passion.lol. Then after that scene we did a scene where the teacher, Mayra, Bryon and myself played best friends making plans without one of the friends, that was played by Vanessa. Then I had to go, because I had said to my mom that I would be home by three O'clock in the afternoon. I ran out with my backpack outside and then so did Bryon. As soon as he was outside he said.
"You stopped running." Then he ran up to me and stopped to talk. I am the worst! I completely tried to brush him off. And when we he was about to go and I was going to go the other direction. Then I turned to him and asked if he was telling any of his friends that we did anything inappropriate. I do have my morols and I don't want that image, because I like being the girl who people look up to. Well I was relieved when Bryon replied no. Then I felt like a butthead for even asking, because I trust him, but I let other people get to me. I know that I shouldn't. Then we both walked away from that. I'll probably see him tomorrow. Goodnite!