Leave me the hell alone!

When there's something to be said I never do, because I don't want to! People understand naturally how I don't talk about every angle of my life that is negative. I don't complain how I'm not so confident as people assume I am. No one I knew needs to know that terrible memory of how that school year turned out and if anyone did every ask I'd just say I don't remember whick is a lie, because my mind can never forget anything. It's gift and a curse, because I remember everything clearly as every night I have nightmares about that year. Even thought the pain is over it still hurts just to think about it. I feel that I can never forgive Joshua and he should know why and I should never have to explain my reasoning behind that. It was hard to think that I was such a nerd and a loser back then and now I'm this. It hurts to think that the first true guy friend I ever had is a jerk and in my heart it'll be the same.